I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
