The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
