Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize