at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
