Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
