I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
