You smell like a Billy Joel song
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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