My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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