we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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