I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
