I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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