Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
