You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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