Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
