I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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