If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
