the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I cannot find my penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
