Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
