Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just lost a toe
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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