Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
