booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
