GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
