I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
