I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
