3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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