Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize