how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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