Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
