My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
