i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
