i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
