i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
