I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
