Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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