Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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