i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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