remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
