You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
