dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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