hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Come on in and take your pants off
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