hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
