I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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