She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
