How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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