grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
