Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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