who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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