hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
