I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
