So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
