my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
