k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
