she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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