i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
