I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
