we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
