I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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