capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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