I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
